“Something wicked this way comes.”


These are the legendary words uttered by one of the witches to describe the titular murderous king in Shakespeare’s Macbeth. But they also apply to the online witching community’s feelings about the possibility of Donald Trump’s reelection.


The McDonald’s-loving former Shitposter-in-Chief is largely seen as Public Enemy #1 in the r/WitchesVsPatriarchy subreddit, which boasts more than 756k members and regularly decries Trump potentially returning to the White House. One witch went so far as to conjure up a freezer spell against the 45th president.


“I was thinking of doing a freezer spell by writing Trump and Project 2025 (maybe also Trump supporters and GOP) on a piece of paper, sticking it into my Yoghurt drink bottle, drown it in water, and freeze it,” not_ya_wify wrote back in July. “What do you think?”


Would today be a good day for a freezer spell against Trump and Project 2025?
byu/not_ya_wify inWitchesVsPatriarchy


The user’s suggestion of a freezer spell was largely supported, with the top-voted comment saying, “Anyday is a good day for this verbal diarrhea space-occupying lesion to go away!”


However, not everyone was on board, as some felt that Trump had managed some kind of malevolent force field that made spells ineffective against him. “I hate to say this, but don’t do magic against him,” a user wrote. “He has a form of protection surrounding him that feeds off of magic done against him. You will have better results if you focus your magic on helping his opponent or protecting yourself and others.”


In response to Trump’s magical immunity, another user posited that “narcissists in general tend to be immune to spells and curses, for good or ill. They’re like black holes, where everything is absorbed or reflected by the giant event horizon of their ego. Nothing outward really affects them because they can’t perceive anything except through the lens of that ego.”


Despite these warnings, not_ya_wify went ahead with the freezer spell anyway, hoping to send the worst possible fortune Trump’s way.


By now, you’re probably asking, what the hell is a freezer spell? Well, here is an explanation from the House of Intuition: “Sometimes, you need to freeze someone in their tracks when they’re attacking you, and nothing works better than a classic Freezer spell. These spells have been practiced by hoodoo conjurers for centuries and are still widely used today for one simple reason: they work. This container spell works to freeze someone’s speech or actions against you.”


A freezing spell can be conducted with five simple steps:


1) Set Your Ritual Sacred Space: The vibes have to be right for the spell to reach maximum effectiveness, so you must cleanse and clear the space for your intention by burning incense.


2) Choose the Container: According to the House of Intuition, “All container spells work to bind, constrain or restrict the target of the spell. The easiest and least symbolic choice would be a simple glass freezing jar, but while it may be easily obtained, it may not have the most potent effect. If you’re trying to freeze someone out sexually — like an unwanted admirer or an obsessive stalker — then you’ll want to use a container resembling the genitalia.” A genitalia-shaped container was (hopefully) not necessary in this case unless Stormy Daniels is the witch in question.


3) Prepare the Totem: You need a totem to represent your target. Can be a photo or even a name written on a photo. Once you have selected the totem, place it in the container.


4) Add a Wetting Agent: This adds a magical charge and can be vinegar, salt water or pepper. But avoid using tap water or alcohol, both of which “defeat the purpose of the spell.”


5) Seal & Freeze: The best way to seal the container is to drip black candle wax on the lid or opening, though you can use aluminum foil as well. Once the container is sealed, put it in the freezer and let the magic begin.



And just like that, Trump was cursed. But nothing too bad happened to him… right? Well, it may not be that simple. This freezer spell was activated in July, which just so happens to be the same month that Trump was nearly assassinated. Is it possible that this freezer spell caused Trump to be shot in the ear? Does his survival prove that he really has some magic protection?


As much as I’d love a sorcery-based treasonous conspiracy, sadly, the timeline here doesn’t add up. Thomas Crooks fired at Trump on July 13th while not_ya_wify’s post was created on July 22nd. So, no, this freezer spell did not almost kill a president.


However, it’s worth noting that shortly after this freezing spell, Trump started short-circuiting at rallies. Maybe that spell worked after all in its own mysterious way.